Unwanted Firsts
by Death101- Fox Version
Summary: At first it seemed really cool. Then came the disappointments. A collection of unwanted firsts for various characters. Chapter 2: Getting a Life "You know, when I played this game yesterday, I don't remember it actually forcing us to live the life."
1. Getting Fictionbook

**Unwanted Firsts  
Chapter one: The horrors of being known**

**Character: Terry McGinnis (Batman Beyond)  
Unwanted First: FictionBook account**

"You need FictionBook, he said. It will help you keep in touch, he said. You need to be more sociable, he said!" The glass the raging teenager was holding went flying from his hand to crash against the far wall. Thankfully, the bartender had been well aware of the boy's rewritten state and had given him a plastic sippy cup without the sippy part. The cup hit the wall with a dull thud before falling to the ground, waiting for someone to return it to the bar.

The boy who had thrown the cup returned to glaring at the wall in front of him. Had the boy been wearing his mask instead of allowing the headpiece to lie against the back of his neck, the glare may have had the wall cowering. However, as the mask was not on his face, Terry's glare was as threatening as his aim. Terry paused in his rant to take a breath and reach for his glass, maybe half-aware of a new plastic cup being placed before him by his amused listener and self-appointed shrink, Nathan Drake.

"FictionBook wasn't all it was cracked up to be huh?" Nate sagely said as he reached over the wooden counter to grab a new bottle of alcohol. The bartender wouldn't even notice since a fight had just started and besides the only ones paying for the alcohol were the taxpayers of various countries. Before Nate could top up his drink, Terry's fists had slammed onto the counter causing both his cup and Nate's to fall over and spill their contents. While Nate reached over the counter for a cloth, Terry began to verbally post his problems where all could hear.

"I'm the—" a scream of pain behind them covered Terry's curse but the boy continued unaware, "**Batman**! I'm supposed to be anonymous! I fight crime from the shadows and am the fear of all who break the law! Now he wants me to…" Terry paused as he stared in confusion at the new bottle placed in front of him by the bartender as the character walked past. The boy reached for the bottle only to remember his train of thought. Anger returned, he slammed his fists onto the counter once again causing the glasses and bottles to jump. Miraculously, the items did not tip and spill but Terry was once more on a roll. "He wants me to be—" a gunshot blocked Terry's curse once again, "Superman or something! I'm not a boy scout! I fight dirty and I don't look good in tights!"

"As far as that goes," Nate interjected as he replaced the bottles under the counter before Terry could tempt fate again. "You're also a teenager. Didn't they have Teenspace in your show?"

The boy Batman paused as if he couldn't remember every episode of his show. Finally, he announced, "No!" He failed to notice the amused smirk on Nate's face. "Otherwise it probably would have turned into an episode about privacy and kidnapping." Terry reached for the cup and swallowed its contents unaware of the growing intensity of fight behind them. He had been told his drink was a rye and Coke when Nate knew full well it was just good old Coca Cola.

The teen hero was silent for a moment after his drink before he exploded again. Unfortunately, someone set off a chain of cherry bombs at the same time causing many of his words to be lost in the popping. "— Static!" I didn't want this—! I just wanted to sign up and forget about it except for when I need it! I just wanted to check the— raid schedule and then forget about it for a month! If I added anyone it was going to be— people I give a– about! Not people I've been— forced to work with and— hate with every— of my being!" The boy finished this rant by putting his head down on the counter as a rather large cherry bomb went off behind him making it seem like he had caused the table behind him explode.

Nate grinned and nodded again while trying to seem like a wide old man. Unfortunately, the grinning caused him to fail the mission quickly. "Let me guess," the treasure hunter said as he took a sip of his own drink, "Static sent out the friend requests."

"He—" A shattering of glass in the background muffled his cruse for the eleventh time. "Did! I don't even like Elsa but the—" the glass light hanging above the boys shattered causing Nate's "Crap!" to overshadow Terry's curse. The replacement-Batman seemed unaware of the glass shards falling into his drink as he counted to shout from his place with his head on the counter as if he wanted the attention. "Accepted it! The dreg probably needs all the fake friends she can get!"

"Or her sister accepted it for her," Nate said as he glared at the undrinkable contents of his drink. The tomb robber glanced over his shoulder to see the fight escaping into the hallway where a certain blonde enforcer was walking by. Since his drink was undrinkable, Nate threw it the blonde's direction and was amused to see the blonde backflip out of the way in his pre-programmed successful quick-time action. While the blonde was scanning the area for his attacker, Nate reached over the counter again and grabbed a sealed beer bottle. He was in the process of opening the bottle when Terry suddenly raised his head and screamed to the ceiling.

"And then I have to check the—"another gunshot, "thing every day to see if there is anything good about it!"

"Keep that up and you'll be really depressed," Nate replied before frowning and attempting the most physiatrist expression he could while taking a sip from his beer bottle. "So tell me, does this misplaced anger and need for confirmation have anything to do with your inability to curse like a man and not a kid's show?"

Terry seemed not to hear Nate's question but reached for his drink to take a sip. Only Nate's quick thinking and intervention prevented the boy from drinking the glass filled soda. While the blonde enforcer successfully completed another quick-time event, Terry finished his story. "But the worst part is the face that I can't get rid of the stupid thing or he'll know!"

For the first time in the conversation, Nate actually tried to help Terry with his problem. The thief placed his bottle on the counter and covered the top of it with his hand in case another light bit the dust. "Why not delete it and call it a computer problem?"

For the first time in the conversation, Terry actually looked at Nate. He glared at the man and made a 'zap zap' gesture with his hand.

It took a few seconds for Nate to remember Static Shock's power. "Right. My bad."

Terry sighed as he leaned back on his stool. "Why did I crack? I could have used email to get the schedule." Terry's depression quickly turned back to anger as his voice rose in volume. "I didn't need this stupid! Marketing! Spam!"

Nate sniffed catching the smell of smoke. He glanced around them but didn't see any open flames. Shrugging it off, he took another sip of his beer and returned to the conversation. "I think you mean scam and something tells me you cracked because you were curious."

"And insane!"

"That too," Nate agreed as he turned on his stool to watch the final moments of the fight. The damage to the bar wasn't that bad when you had a guy called Fix-It Jr. in residence with a magic hammer. Still he had a feeling even Fix-It would be amazed by the destruction. Not bad for a Friday night. Beside him, Terry suddenly sat up straight and jumped off his stool. He stood in a heroic pose with his fists clenched and ready for a fight.

"I'm going to delete it first chance I get!" he shouted for the world to hear.

Nate nodded as he watched one of his partners get hit in the head with a chair. "Good luck with that."

"Before I become a FictionBook zombie!"

Nate nodded again and for the final time that night, he attempted the wise sage expression. "Hopefully," he said before his expression became his default amused one. "By the way, why didn't you accept my friend request?"

Very quickly, Nate and Terry found themselves starting a second bar fight. Minutes later after the fight had been broken up, the unruly characters sent to bed, and the fire discovered in the kitchen, the blonde enforcer sat down at the counter beside the treasure seeker. As Nate handed in a beer, the character asked, "What was with that shouting?"

Nate shrugged. "Guy is just venting about his problems and looking for attention."

"He should get a FictionBook account."

**A/N: My friend (let's call her Static) forced me to get Facebook. End of story.**

**-D101**

_Disclaimer: If you recognized it, I probably don't own it._


	2. Getting a Life

**Unwanted Firsts  
Chapter 2: Getting a Life**

"You know, when I played this game yesterday, I don't remember it actually forcing us to live the life."

Yusuke looked up from his piles of greenbacks and stared at the other characters sitting around the table. Nate was the only other person who seemed slightly amused with his life aside from the handcuff that now connected him to the arm of his chair and he had pickpocket written across his forehead. Everyone else seemed either confused or annoyed.

Jim was glaring at the piles of papers and forms marked with the seal of the Chartered Professional Accountants in front of him and seemed to be considering suicide. Kuwabara was staring in confusion at the camera crew that had appeared out of nowhere and was now filming him and narrating his actions as if he was a poker star. Leon was coughing up dust and trying to push the old school miner hat farther up so he could actually see the board. The final player, Hansen was still trying to remove the paint splatters that had appeared on his cloths and ignore the two kids that were now holding onto his legs and demanding a horsy-ride.

Okay, Yusuke thought, maybe annoyed was an understatement. Still, at least they weren't bored anymore. With the high piles of snow all over the world due to a group of someone's getting a little too happy with their freeze rays, there wasn't much that could be done until it all melted. The whole station was getting stir-crazy and looked about ready to break into a riot that could rival Lord of the Flies when the nurses and fairies started to pass out the board games and drinking games.

At first the whole station was annoyed by the fact that the staff was pushing the games. After all, it's one thing to see them sitting in a neat pile in the common rooms. It's another to have them appear on your bed and fall onto your face every single morning. Finally, the station cracked and began playing the games. In the far corner of the common room, a group of characters were playing bridge. In the bar, noisy drinking games could be heard and Yusuke had spotted a group of animes, including Yami Yugi, playing Risk. (Why the characters would bother playing as soon as Yami joined the game was beyond Yusuke though.)

For now, the plan was working. The possibility of a riot was remote. Characters were amused and the freezing outside was slowly melting. It would be another week before it was all melted but at least they were busy now. Although in Jim's case, maybe they were too busy.

Kuwabara was just reaching for the dice when Jim threw up his hands. "That's it! I quit. There is no way all these exams are worth the raise! Those stuck-up CPAs can go—" Jim's voice trailed off as the circle in the middle of the board started to glow. Unlike the other Game of Life games, this one didn't have the spinner in the centre that informed you how many moves you could make. Instead you rolled dice to determine your path and the board had a blue stone in the centre which showed images of your "life".

Right now, it was glowing blue as black shapes appeared in the stone showing Jim writing another exam. The stone stopped glowing a second later and another exam booklet fell from the sky and onto the pile in front of Jim. The animated character could barely see the board now from behind all the tests.

"I think it's telling you to keep studying," Kuwabara said as he picked up the dice, barely hiding the annoyed twitch when the camera crew behind him started muttering about how they could hype this moment to get more ratings. He threw down the dice and watched as the first die bounced off Leon's playing piece which looked suspiciously similar to the dirt-covered formally-CIA agent. The second die rolled off the table but no one reached for it as Kuwabara's playing piece had already begun to slide forward towards the fork in the road. Without giving Kuwabara a choice, the piece slide down the right side of the fork. The piece passed under the banner which read "unexpected consequences."

"Looks like Hansen isn't going to be the only single parent," Nate joked as Kuwabara's piece halted on top of the space which a large x in red writing. It was the same space Hansen had landed on early in the game when the group was passing through their teen years. For Hansen, the unexpected consequences had been having a kid in one night stand. (Supposedly, one of the kids holding into his pant leg was his although there was no way to guess which one since they looked identical.)

The boys leaned over the board, trying to see what images or phrases would appear in the blue stone. Japanese symbols began to appear in a scrolling fashion. For the benefit of those without Japanese versions, Kuwabara read out the message.

"You are caught buying illegal drugs while filming your latest season of 'Kuwa are You?' and now are facing prison time." Two set of bars appeared from the ceiling. One quickly formed a square box around Kuwabara while the other encased his playing piece, locking both of them in their seats. "What the?"

Yusuke couldn't help but laugh. "Jeez, Kuwabara. Who knew you were so desperate for ratings?"

Kuwabara ignored Yusuke and instead focused on Nate who was also supposed to be in jail. "How come I get stuck in a box and he just gets handcuffed to the chair?"

"The game probably knew that Nate would use the bars as an instrument and drive the rest of us nuts," Leon suggested as he pushed his hat back and reached under the table for the die. He had long ago given up on removing the hat. When he reappeared, Jim passed him the second die. Leon took a second to study the board before he rolled the dice. His piece was farther behind than the others since he was the youngest. So far he had managed to avoid the unexpected consequences spaces with quite a few lucky rolls and also managed to dodge the marriage bullet. If he rolled right, he might be able to lag behind the others until everyone else reached the end.

Yusuke considered telling him to speed up since it wasn't like Leon had a choice where his piece went. However, he had a feeling the game wouldn't appreciate it and would make him have a crummy roll next. It was weird but each time one of them told the player to speed up, the game would have something horrible happen to them on their turn. When Leon had jokingly told Hansen to speed up, his next turn had him barely avoid a cave in. When Jim had told Nate to speed up, Jim had gotten one of the few professions in the game that required an extensive degree and professional exams. Everyone had caught on pretty quickly at that point not to rush each other. Still, it was pretty boring having to wait for the player.

Finally, Leon rolled his dice, managing to keep them both on the table. His piece moved forward and landed on the roll again spot. Everyone waited with bated breath as the dice rolled themselves without Leon's help. There was another "unexpected consequences" banner close to Leon's position. However, the dice would have to roll a twelve to get onto that track of life. If the dice rolled that number, Leon was guaranteed a surprise. The dice stopped rolling and the table burst into laughter. Two sixes. What embarrassing trouble could a miner possibly cause?

"The mafia consider you to be a loose end after one of your clients is arrested while filming his reality TV show. They trap you in a cave in while you are working and you have only enough air for three hours. Damn it," Leon muttered as he looked above his head. Bright red numbers appeared over his head and started to flash counting down his last three hours of life.

"This game really doesn't have a clue who is playing, does it?" Jim asked as Hansen grabbed the dice.

"Well it had Nate pinned pretty quickly," Hansen said as he threw down the dice without taking the time to shake them. "Huh. Another unexpected consequence."

"Looks like these are getting pretty expected," Yusuke joked as Hansen quickly scanned the phrase for signs of another kid appearing.

"A distressed mother found out her hidden lover had been caught in a cave in. In her hysteria, she convinces the other parents you're giving their children sugar and have started a class-lawsuit against your daycare. Finally!" Hansen shouted as the paint and one of the kids disappeared.

Nate, however, focused on Leon's apparently misfortune. "Convincing a teenager to do drugs, dealing drugs, working for the mafia, a countdown to your death, and now sleeping with another guy's wife? Jeez, Leon. Any other secrets you want to tell us?"

"I hate this game?" Leon offered with a smile as he passed Yusuke the dice. His hat fell over his eyes in the process leaving him blind for the moment.

"Well there won't be any unexpected consequences this turn," Yusuke announced as he lifted the dice. "I'm nowhere near them." The dice fell onto the board and Yusuke's piece seemed to jump to the space that said "Go to nearest unexpected consequence space."

"Damn it," Yusuke muttered as he read out the Japanese to the group. "You invested too much money in an illegal gambling ring that operated under a daycare and was discovered during a lawsuit investigation and have lost everything including a kidney. How did I lose a kidney?" Within a instance all the money that had been in front of Yusuke disappeared and he was willing to bet that if he lifted his shirt he would see the scar left by the removal of the kidney.

Luckily for Yusuke, Kuwabara wasn't going to let his buddy sit in confusion for too long. "You probably lost it in a bet."

"Ha. Sucks for them. I've been drinking since I was eleven."

"That's your liver, Yusuke," Leon replied without even lifting his hat.

"I think your kidneys get pretty destroyed too," Hansen argued.

"Whatever," Nate decided. "My turn." The table was silent for a moment as Nate's future appeared in the stone.

You were framed by a rich man who is missing a kidney and just found out he had three days to live— Looks like you needed that kidney, Yusuke— So you broke out of jail broke out of prison rather than wait for parole and now find yourself wandering around a creepy mostly-abandoned town that is filled with fog and monsters and a lot of free real estate." Nate paused to appreciate the lack of handcuffs as a slight fog began to swirl around him.

"Looks like the game is family with Silent Hill," Kuwabara noted.

"Or it has something sick planned for me," Jim replied as he looked at his piece's place on the board. It was just one spot away from being under the "unexpected consequences" banner. The other teen sighed as he picked up the dice and dropped them. Predictably they landed on snake eyes. His piece passed under the banner.

"Your hard work has paid off," Jim read. He paused to watch as the papers disappeared from in front of him to be replaced with a plaque. "You are now one of the partners at the firm just in time to lose it all due to a new client convincing your partner to buy real estate in a creepy, mostly abandoned town. Jeez, thanks Nate."

With a salute that was hard to see through the fog, Nate smiled. "No problem."

The other players were not quite amused. Kuwabara grabbed at the bars surrounding his chair.

"Who the hell made this game?!"

Hansen came to the rescue as he reached behind his chair. "Hang on. I think the fairies left us the box." He lifted it above the table and they all looked at it. It looked like a normal Game of Life box until Hansen flipped it over. In the corner just underneath the bar code were the words, "From the makers of Jumanji."

The table was silent for a moment before Nate laughed and said. "Well, it's a good thing my piece didn't take the dead end then."

_Disclaimer: If you recognized it, I probably don't own it._


End file.
